Would You Look at That...

If you know me at all or read my blog at all, you'll know why I find this picture of a gunman with a Yankee friend is interesting. Marinate on it.

Picture on cnn.com

Yankees Hit 3 Grand Slams.

The Yankees hit a record-3 grand slams in one game last night.

Is this karma? What am I doing wrong? I am not one to enjoy and lap up the success of others, especially the torturous success of the Yanks.

Neither is Derek Jeter's girlfriend, I guess. The two reportedly called it quits recently. She used to date John Mayer or someone... At least Jeter has over 3,000 hits to keep him company. Even I know Jeter is an upgrade from the cooing baboon Mayer. Waiting on the World to Change? You bet I am...

I am waiting for a world where the Yankees don't hit three grand slams in a night and where the Twins actually have enough base runners on to make a grand slam feasible.

Bitter, I know.

I think this is Jeter's ex, but I didn't care enough to research so I can't be sure.

Twins Win!

Thatta baby, Twins!

I was listening to Twins Radio last night on the way home after a long day of work, some shopping and minor car repairs (that I watched someone else do). The back and forth turbulence of the game that classified last night is really my favorite type of game, whether I'm listening to the radio, watching TV or watching live.

Basically I love Twins baseball, but the excitement of games like the last game of the Twins-Tigers series really just caps it off. For those of you native to St. Paul, its like the Izzy on top.

Now tonight the Twins take on the Yankees at home and, before the game, the Twins organization will be honoring Jim Thome's achievement of 600 home runs. Tomorrow night, the Twins will be honoring Joe Nathan on topping the Twins' all-time save list. It's a big weekend for Twins baseball.

Not only are the celebrations important, but arguably more important are the games we play this weekend. Tonight we open a four-game series against the Bronx Bombers, who have won 5 out of the last 6 at Target Field. We need to split if not win the series. Something about the Yankees has always spooked the Twins, but like Gardy said last night, when you start talking about how perfect a player or an organization is, that is when they faulter; it's the curse of the 'no-hitter'.

I think there is something to that. Gardy's thinking kind of goes along with the Law of Averages or Murphy's Law. The Law of Averages tells us that the outcomes of random events will even out within a sample, while Murphy's Law leads us to believe that anything that can go wrong generally will go wrong. I think Gardy said it better, but you get the point. I would be willing to bet that the Laws are in our favor this series. Go get 'em!

I won't be at the game tonight, though after I found out about the Thome ceremony and proceeded to find NO ONE that would go to the game with me, I thought about attending solo. However, I will be at the Twins game tomorrow night, sporting with pride my 'Even Jesus Hates the Yankees' shirt and drinking a beer. My guess is that Yankee fans order things like Champagne and such. Get a life.

Anyway, see you tomorrow at Target Field! Good luck boys.

Torii Hunter Turns Down Ten Bucks From a Yankee Fan

There is a video making its way around the sports world of Torii Hunter returning a pair of glasses to a New York Yankee fan after said fan drops his glasses on the field at Yankee Stadium. In a show of gratitude, the Yankee fan hands Hunter a single bill, you can speculate on the denomination.

Watch the video here.

What a good guy. Really, Torii Hunter is just an all-around stand up man. And the Yankee fan is a cheap SOB.

A right field seat starts out at $159.19 on the Yankee website while the market value of a Yankee ticket at the New Yankee Stadium will set you back much more than that. A front row seat back in 2009 for an individual game had a list price of $2,625. The lowest priced seats at Mets' Citi Field start at $11.

Torii Hunter as I like to remember him

You can't tell me that a Yankee fan sitting in the front row at Yankee stadium could only afford a $10 reward? Not only are you a snob, but you're cheap too (which, might I add goes against the entire Yankee philosophy which boasted a 2011 team payroll of $202,689,028). That hapless fan should do himself a favor and 1) get lasik and 2) get a reality check. You make six figures and you offer Torii Hunter, a millionaire, at most ten bucks? This guy apparently missed out on 'No Child Left Behind'.

No wonder Apple has more money than the U.S. government.

This is a word of advice for all you schmucks out there wearing Yankee paraphernalia: Chances are you can't afford to be a Yankee fan - so fuhgetaboutit.

I guess that Yankee fan is kind of lucky in the end - If he had been sitting front row on the third base side, either ARod would have stomped out the guy's glasses and he would be stuck with his less than 20/20 vision or he would take the guy's ten dolalrs (most likely he would have done both). After all, ARod has the poker prodigy lifestyle to maintain.

No Kidding, A-Rod Participates in Illegal Activites? Shocker.

Apparently the MLB is taking some allegations against the Yankee Alex Rodriguez very seriously. ARod has been accused of taking part in illegal, underground poker games of which some allegedly turned violent. Luckily, steroids have never been linked to hormonal outbursts known as roid rage. Wait, no... What?

Even more outrageous is the concern by the MLB that ARod's name might sneak in on the current ongoing investigation of Dr. Anthony Galea. Galea has been charged with smuggling human growth hormone and other illegal substances in to this great country of ours from the less-great country of Canada. Galea has treated ARod and Tiger Woods, who might I say is another very classy and respectable gentleman.

Looks like Mr. Rodriguez has gotten himself in to a bit of trouble. Not only are the Yankees trailing their rivals of Boston, but ARod is out recovering on a knee surgery and participating in shady activities. And then there are the illegal substances connections.

To me, this adds up like Enron's financial statements.

Minnesota Twins Face a Rough Month of August

That was a hyper-disappointing series for the Twins. When I say 'hyper' you know its bad. Think hyper-inflation, hyper child and hypertension. With Blackburn's pitch count skyrocketing faster than space shuttle Atlantis, we knew that the stock market wasn't the only thing in trouble this weekend. Heading in to the Twins-Oakland series, I thought the Twins would have a nice 'break' in playing a team that was 3rd in their AL West Division with an even greater deficit than the Twins. Wrong.

Nick Blackburn, known as a sinkballer, could make his sinker sink and without his go-to pitch, the Twins floundered.

My other main man, Carl Pavano didn't do much better. After the Twins jumped off to a 3-0 lead, Pavano continued his winless post-break streak by losing his fourth in as many starts by giving up 9 hits and striking out only one. No good, boys. I expect better of my hottie-patotties.

We win some, we lose some. What concerns me are the Twins' upcoming opponents (all except for the White Sox). We have the Angels who have been closing the slim gap that exists between them and the Rangers, Boston who has overcoming their disappointing start, the Indians and Tigers who are both leading the Twins and have slowed very little topped off by the Yankees who are the Twins' post-season nightmare. Not only does that schedule look terrible on paper, its even worse that the Twins travel from away to home every two series. That's a lot of traveling.

Today is the first of August and the Twins need to pull it together. Today. Because tomorrow we start a series against Tori Hunter and the recently-hot Angels in Anaheim. In a month that starts and ends with the White Sox, the perpetual door mat of the Twins, we have to believe the Twins can turn this around and climb in to the AL Central lead. Right?

Like Congress, its do or die time for the Twins. Crunch time, baby.

Facebook and Baseball Fandom

I recently stumbled upon a post by the social media giant, Facebook. Normally, I don't necessarily care about the opinions of Facebook since they have tried to sabotage my favorite search engine Google, but this post caught my baseball-loving eye.

Baseball season is in full swing and, if you are anything like me, you often support your favorite team on your Facebook. Well, Facebook took that data and created a profile of the fans for each team and determined what your fandom says about you and your team's other followers. Interesting, right? I thought so.

I printed out the post and, while I found all 7 pages to be entertaining, insightful and slightly humorous, I am going to focus on the area of Team Devotion.

We all know the stereotypical die-hard fan is the Boston Red Sox. Usually I say stereotypes exist for a reason. Facebook shows this is not true. Apparently the Phillies possess the most loyal fan base. The Yankee fans even beat the Red Sox fans. Talk about a heated rivalry, you would think those guys would be neck and neck; in fact, the Yankee fan base is a full three spots ahead. Still... whoop dee doo. What I found most interesting is where the followers and fans of Twins baseball ranked.

We aren't even close to the Boston faithful. Nope. In reality, Facebook has the fans of Minnie and Paulie ranked 4th behind the Phillies, Tigers and Cardinals. We, as Twins fans are the fourth most faithful bunch of yahoos known to baseball.

Now I know why my blood boils when I see some clown walking around St. Paul wearing a Yankee hat. I see that joke of a fan and think, 'not only do you cheer for the worst team in baseball, but you don't even do it with a respectable amount of loyalty.' This data shows that hatred is part of my culture as much as it is genetics.

I'm proud of you Minnesota Twins fans. Fair-weather we are not.

Yankee Fans Fail in Team Support, Pick it up America

Here are the totals in the fan vote for the All-Star Game. Prepare yourself, they are upsetting.

Catcher: Russell Martin, New York Yankees
First base: Mark Teixeira, New York Yankees
Second base: Robinson Cano, New York Yankees
Shortstop: Derek Jeter, New York Yankees
Third base: Alex Rodriguez, New York Yankees
Outfield: Jose Bautista, Toronto Blue Jays
Outfield: Curtis Granderson, New York Yankees
Outfield: Josh Hamilton, Texas Rangers
Designated hitter: Michael Young, Texas Rangers

Appalling, right? I don't know what fans of the New York Yankees could possibly be busy with that they could only manage to vote in six out of the nine positions to Yankees. What a way to honor the 27-time world champions? Do fans of the NYY consider under-representation to be a 'congratulations' of sorts because it just isn't good enough... its more like a big 'F U' to the greatest baseball players of all time.

Where are Nick Swisher, Jorge Posada and Brett Gardener? How would you like to be the three Yankees who were beat out by a player with only one home run (Josh Hamilton), a player that doesn't even play for a team in the United States (Jose Bautista) and someone that could be your younger brother (Michael Young)? You let Canada out-vote you? Canadiens aren't even allowed guns! How embarrassing and irresponsible.

Don't Yankees fans care enough to ensure that every single starter on the All-Star team is a Yankee? Pathetic. And you NYY fans call yourselves the best fans in the world? How are Swisher, Posada and Gardener suppose to hold their heads high during role call knowing that the fans who are cheering would much rather either be booing or cheering for the players of two other teams? How are they even supposed to play? I guess they'll have no option but to ask to sit out of the games until they are equally represented -- Posada can show them how to do that, he is well-versed in pouting.

Looks like the Yankees will have to earn something this year - no payoff seems to be effective (I'm sure they've already tried it). If the Yankees want to saturate the All-Star vote completely, they are just going to have to do it the old-fashioned way. Visit as many ballparks in America and Canada and vote as many times for the boys in pinstripes. Steal those paper ballots from children, tackle ushers carrying the box of ballots and take the forms to the get-away-Mercedees and perforate as many of those Yankees as possible.

As Americans, let's get these Yankees voted in to the All-Star game. After all, no one can ever get enough Yankee.

As a side note, based on the MLB Players Poll on SI.com, Alex Rodriguez is ranked the No. 1 most overrated player in the MLB. And since not everyone can be number one though the Yankees try, Derek Jeter must again accept the No. 3 spot.. at least Swisher makes this poll at No. 6.

For totals, 5 of the 16 most overrated MLB players, according to MLB players, are Yankees. Jeez... no luck monopolizing that poll either! Yankee fans are going soft.

Ozzie Guillen is at it Again

Probably my favorite MLB Manager, secondary to Gardenhire of course, is Ozzie Guillen. I don't love him for his genius baseball strategy, but his outrageous behavior and lack of fluent English.

His most recent public outburst happened in the cyber-world following his on-field outburst. Haha.. this guy. A mere minute after being tossed from a game where the White Sox were playing the New York Yankees, Ozzie Guillen took to Twitter.

Paul Konerko was called out on strikes, on a pitch that was below Konerko's knees, and clearly the level-headed Guillen found this distressing. During this Konerko at-bat, Guillen barked at the plate umpire Todd Tichenor (who also has a Twitter account, but has yet to tweet).

When Konerko was struck out on the less-than-a-quality-strike pitch, Guillen was perched on the top step of the dugout and, after being warned by Tichenor to not take one step on the field, Guillen disobediently did not comply and ventured out.

Guillen name dropped a couple of other umpires of whom he claims to have a personal connection with, Steve Palermo and Richie Garcia, and continued that he didn't care who Tichenor was. I can't say why, but that seems slightly irrelevant to me.

Guillen was quoted on ESPN saying, "I ask if that pitch was a strike. I think he got angry very quick. He couldn't hear what I say and that's all. When he kick me out, he has the right 100 percent."

Interpret that accordingly.

Before the next play had even resumed, @OzzieGuillen became active with angry posts. Guillen commented that the ejection was going to cost him a lot of money and that it was "patetic". And continued in another tweet that, "Today a tough guy show up at yankee stadium," referring, what can only be assumed, Tichenor. My theory is he was referring to himself.

When asked about his Twitter outburst, Guillen has yet another outburst saying, "I no worry about that. Let's talk about [expletive] baseball. [Expletive] tweeting."

I would like to point out, while Guillen seems to have a hot head, he clearly kept a calm sense about him when, after being ejected, he kept his composure and remembered to freak out online as well. Now that is what I call calm and collected.

Ozzie Guillen has overreaction down to a science and who doesn't appreciate that?

CC Sabathia Lost 25 LBS

CC Sabathia lost 25 Lbs during the offseason. He has stated that his stamina is much better and that he isn't getting tired anymore. Looks like there is going to be less of him to beat this year.

Here is where I talk about how great the Yankees are going to be this year.

Here is where I feel bad that Russell Martin replaced Posada. Poor guy.

I should say something about Derek Jeter and A Rod because they are completely amazing.

I will never give up on the Twins. I love them. We are going to beat those guys this year and I am going to be there to see it... no matter how much I have to pay for a ticket. I am so sick of hearing about the Yankees. Let's start talking about teams that actually have morals.

In other news, Miguel Cabrera is still wasted.

Andy Pettitte Retires

One Yankee down, 3 more to go before we can finally put the 1996-2000 seasons out of memory. Andy Pettitte confirmed his retirement, leaving only Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, and Jorge Posada the remaining members of the Yankees teams that won four championships in five seasons between 96-00.

Pettitte said his heart just wasn't in it. I'll tell you why. Diminishing Marginal Utility. In economics, diminishing marginal utility states that as a person increases consumption of a product, there is a decline in the marginal utility (happiness) that person derives from consuming each additional unit of that product. Apply that to Andy Pettitte: As Andy increased the amount of Championships won, there was a decline in the happiness he received from winning each additional Championship until the idea of winning another Championship promoted little to no happiness in light of the effort he would have to put forth to earn one. While this is just a theory, can I say, "must be rough."

While, from what I read, I can see that Andy Pettitte is a pretty classy guy, he is still a Yankee to me. You know how that saying goes... Minnesota bias. Or... is it Minnesota nice?

Another one bites the dust.

Carl Pavano Returns to Minnesota

I love Carl Pavano. I think he has the stuff to help make Minnesota another serious contender again this year. I also enjoy his choice of facial hair. I don't love his girlfriend so much... for obvious reasons. Overall though, I give him a 9 out of 10 so naturally I am very pleased he is remaining in Minnesota for at least another year.

Whether you like Pavano or not, I'm sure you can agree with my next statement: Anything that upsets the New York Yankees or even makes things just a bit harder for them is just fine.

Agree? Figured.

Well... turns out the New York Yankees had been in negotiations with Pavano and his agent-- the Yankees wanted him back in New York were they treated him like garbage. And made him shave (another extreme example of this would be Johnny Damon). So whether you like Carl Pavano or not, which I think you should, you can appreciate that signing him makes the world a better place by making the Yankees the least bit miserable.

See you in April you darn Yankees. We'll bring Pavano. You can bring your clean shaven boring men.

Joe Mauer, Rawlings Gold Glove Recipient

For the third consecutive year, St. Paul's hometown boy was named the recipient of an American League Rawlings Gold Glove Award.

Mauer committed only three errors in 733 chances for a .996 fielding percentage. My main man Joseph also nailed 26% of would-be base stealers. While Mauer has state that 2010 was a "long year" for him with numerous injuries, he is also proud of his outstanding defense given that most of the focus has been on his highly contributory offense.

Mauers third consecutive honor makes the 10th straight year the Twins have won at least on Gold Glove as a team.

Other recipients of the Rowlings honor include: Mark Teixeira (Yankees, 1B), Robinson Cano (Yankees, 2B), Evan Longoria (Rays, 3B), Derek Jeter (Yankees, SS), Ichiro Suzuki (Mariners, OF), Carl Crawford (Rays, OF), Franklin Guitierrez (Mariners, OF), Mark Buehrle (White Sox, P). Now I don't want to re-ignite the agonizing drama between the Minnesota Twins and the New York Yankees, but since the amazing malevolence I feel for the Yankees has never subsided, I will proceed.

While the Yankees may be tipping their pin-striped hats to Teixeira, Cano, and Jeter, I would like to give a Minnesota shout out to Torii Hunter of the Los Angeles Angels. Like Suzuki, of the Mariners, Hunter went in to the 2010 season as a recipient of 9 previous Gold Gloves, but he is notably missing from this years list. Torii Hunter played in 143 games totalling in 358 put-outs with only 3 errors. That, folks, is a fielding percentage on .992. I have decided to take it upon myself to find the faults in the award-giving process.

Derek Jeter played in 151 games totaling in only 182 put-outs. While I realize comparing the put-outs of a short stop and an outfielder are hardly comparable, but since we have no Yankee outfielder who was a recipient of a 2010 gold glove, (he annihilates Hunter in the assists category), check out Jeter's fielding percentage: .989.

If it were me, my vote for a gold glove winner would weigh heavily on the fielding percentage, which is the most widely used statistic for fielders of every position, because it is a well-developed defensive statistic that incorporates the putouts, assists, and total chances (which is equal to the number of putouts, assists, and errors combined) by a player. From there, the fielding percentage is calculated by dividing your putouts by your total chances. Based on my post-season research, Torii Hunter, who played with the Minnesota Twins for over 10 seasons, would win my vote by .003 percent.

You think I'm being petty? Recall: Derek Jeter fakes being hit by a pitch in order to get on base.

While I find myself looking for reasons to harp on the Yankees, I must credit them this, a $200-plus million dollar payroll suits them well. Seriously, no one can pull off 'dbag' so well. And when I say dbag, I am referencing dirt bag. Relax.

Again, congratulations Mauer on, not only winning a Rawlings Gold Glove award, but for being such a stand up guy and taking the contract with the Twins instead of the Yankees.

Vikings Cowboys Weekend

This past weekend was quite an adventure for me. My UST bestie, Samantha Beck, had her cousin, Michael, and his friend, Matt, in town from California for the Vikings Cowboys game. Michael, a Minnesotan at heart and Matt, who might as well be wearing permanent cowboy boots were quite the pair.

However, let me start at the beginning of the weekend. On Friday, around early evening, my neighbors (who you may recall are Augsburg Baseball Players) invited myself, Samantha and her friend Chelsea, and our other roommate to a baseball party. We had planned to take it easy on Friday, given our big weekend ahead of us (set to pick Michael and Matt up at the airport the following day), but of course the sight of backyard games including, but not limited to, a college form of frisbee, bags, and hammerschlagen, we fast became committed to traveling that night to North Minneapolis. For those of you familiar with the cities, you know North Minneapolis is not dissimilar to Compton.

We arrived fashionably late at the house situated in between the Bloods and the Crips, and got our game on. One thing led to another and well, Samantha lost her phone. Go figure. This normally wouldn't have been a huge issue, but without Michael's number, we had zero access to his flight information.

After calling in a few favors, following a few paper trails, and one quick call to Michael's mom, we were set to pick up the boys at the airport. Let our weekend begin!

Being from California, Michael and Matt were adamant on going to White Castle, made famous by the movie "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle". Harold Lee and Kumar Patel are two stoners who end up craving White Castle. On their adventures, they encounter many obstacles including a raccoon and a racist officer. While we did not encounter either of those, we did have our own adventures involving a bilingual cashier and a street race.

Sunday, we all watched the Minnesota Vikings roundup the Cowboys. 'Nough Said.

All in all it was a successful weekend, resulting in me missing 3 out of my 5 classes on Monday.

Oh, PS, someone hacked my bank account this weekend and possibly has my social security number. I blame Compton. Hey, at least Texas beat the Yankees last night.

Making the Most of My College Life

This past week, and I'm sure you noticed, I was unable to fulfill my weekly quota of four spectacular blog postings. (I do have the option of 10 average postings, but average is pretty mediocre... seriously... its like the definition.) Like I was saying, I was unable to fulfill my weekly quota because my professors thought it would be extremely awesome to load me down with 3 exams, 1 quiz, and 2 group projects. Ahhh... your college years really are the best years of your life, aren't they?

In light of my overwhelming work load, I had Thursday off. Then I pulled a fast one and hired someone to take my tests and do all my homework, then spent my Thursday sleeping. Juuusst kidding, I wish.

Not to be a downer, but to top off last week's awesomeness, my Twins lost. In three. To the Yankees. I hate the Yankees so much, seriously... SO MUCH. Here is a tale to corroborate my strong hatred of those pin-striped namby-pambies: Last year, Samantha and I (recall, UST friend and roommate) thought ourselves to be extremely intelligent entrepreneurs... and Yankee haters. We thought it best to expose our hidden business-savvy capabilities by ordering 500 shirts stamped with "Even Jesus Hates the Yankees" shirts on credit, because of course we couldn't afford it. And 100 would have been too few. Next, we roped my other friend Mara in to our franchise without her knowing.

I knew it would seem smart writing about my experience too, instead of just living it. Seems smart, doesn't it?

Cutting to the chase, we were selling these shirts for 20 bucks a pop... until we were arrested. Ok, not arrested, but ticketed by very nice Minneapolis officers who found it to be offensive that we were without a vendor permit... even though there are people out there selling meth without permits. We were the true criminals in their eyes. (I will not address what we were in the eye's of God today.)

Several other AWESOME things happened:

1) Originally, we thought the undercover policmen were fans of our shirts who were interested in a bulk purchase. wrong

2) it was 50 degrees Fahrenheit (10 degrees Celsius for those of you across the pond) and we were yelling at people to PLEASE buy our shirts in Minneapolis

3) a god-fearing woman told us to be ashamed because Jesus loves everyone; our bad

4) a guy, who was clearly an XL kind of dude, bought a Medium because the shirts were so awesome and we were fresh out of his regular size; he later had to be cut out of said shirt


5) none of us had a form of identification on us for our indictment... except for Sam, she took the bullet. see 5.5 for the effect of 5's cause.

5.5) i lost my only two friends. great.

6) the twins lost

Needless to say, we didn't make the amount of money we had anticipated, but we did manage to make enough to pay our shirt producer and our ticket. Above all, it was one of the most boisterous, entertaining nights of my life and I would do it again in a heart beat.


So... I'm real glad the Twins lost this past week. And that the Vikings lost last night. But hey... at least Brett Favre is faithful. Oh... wait.

Even Jesus Hates the Yankees

Twins fans, brace yourselves... you are going to be irate. A Recent NY Daily News magazine cover:

"Bad News: Yanks must go on the road for playoffs," the cover reads and continues with, "Good News: They play the Twins".

Get a clue. The blasted New York Yankees come to town for the opening series against the Twins for the American League Division Series. Mind you, the Yankees LOST (LOST!!) the American League Championship and are only in the playoffs as a Wild Card, in contrast to the Twins, who have known for over a week that the they gained a post-season berth. But hey, who is counting. Jerks.

Our ace, Liariano will have a showdown against the Yank's workhorse, C.C. Sabathia. Let us collectively cross our fingers that this post season matchup will mirror neither the Twins' stumble to the finish line this season, nor the 2009 season playoff result. Seriously, I have had enough of the Yankees... and that is the best way I can describe it without falling off the wagon.

I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate those of you who will be attending the games this week while I will be watching the game in the comfort of my own home pouring over marketing and economics texts to study for a Friday test. Thanks UST, thanks.