Randy Moss Retires

Randy Moss, ex-Minnesota Viking and current bad ass, retires. More to come.

Sidney Rice, Health vs Money

Sidney Rice, who has yet to step on the playing field in this 2010 season due to a surgery in August, is offended that the media have hinted he is not playing out of soon-to-be free agent self-interest. He is offended.

Well, Sid, the Viking's medical team has cleared you sooo I don't really know what you are waiting for (if you are waiting to make your return in playoffs, may want to rethink THAT strategy). Sure, the Vikings put the 'to play or not to play' decision in your hands, but unless YOU have an M.D. degree, I think it may be about time to see what we've been missing for 3 months before we self-implode.

Rice addressed the reports in his own blog, titled "A Bunch of Bull". Apparently he doesn't agree with the media. Shocker. What an aberration for a Minnesota Vikings player to have issue with the media. Deja vu. In Rice's blog he writes, "Times like these, some news people just need stories to create and I guess me not getting back on the field yet is something they want to use."

SERIOUSLY?

Times like these... if you are talking about the economy, you have no business. You have no business talking about 'times like these' when you are being paid millions of dollars a year to NOT work. 'Times like these' consist of layoffs, closures and bankruptcies. Sound familiar to you? Of course not, why would it.

Giving you the benefit of the doubt, say you weren't talking about the economy and you are talking about the lack of media-worthy stories spiraling around MPL/STP, in which case you are highly oblivious. Brett Favre scandal. Randy Moss blowup. Childress in the hot seat. Right.. . your story is what people want to hear. Scoff.

I'd say the best way to get some well-deserved media spotlight is to suit up for Sunday's game and show Minnesota you aren't off the field with dollar signs in your eyes, but with the Minnesota Vikings in your heart. Kinda cheesy.

Childress Lives on as the Worst NFL Coach... For Now.

Sunday dawned brightly, as bright as was expected for fans of the Minnesota Vikings. News of the Randy Moss waiver, not supported by Zigi Wolf, had filtered to the four corners of the state, and Percy Harvin's blowup was progressing likewise. Everything seemed to be placing Brad Childress closer and closer to the edge of a plank he has been walking for sometime now. Everything came down to Sunday.

Chili had to win or he was done.

I had the privilege to be at the game on Sunday, and this was how it appeared from my view (a view from a Viking fan, an anti-Childress supporter, a Randy Moss aficionado and a Brett Favre rooter). Noon game. The offense struggled badly getting the ball down field, but executed well in giving the Cardinals the ball. Percy Harvin was so distracted from the Childress drama, he managed to give Arizona another touchdown off a fumbled kick-off return. The Vikings offense couldn't execute a pass if their lives depended on it, or if Childress' life depended on it... which it did. And the icing on that vanilla butter cream cake? There were around 100 or so signs sporting "Fire Chilly" being aimed at the coaching staff, cameras and even beer vendors in hopes of causing a domino-effect disbursement of beer to the agonizing fans. I saw it myself.

Fans around the stadium were thinking to the future, thinking of their unborn grandchildren. "I was there when ol' Brad Childress coached his last game." Me? Naahhh... I would probably tell that to my friends' grandkids. I am in no mental shape to handle any bouncing baby. No sir. Some fans just up and left all together in hopes of avoiding traffic. Ironically, due to the high volume that thought this, those who left early actually hit the traffic whereas those who stayed... didn't.

For those who are still mourning the death of Randy Moss as a Viking (ME), you couldn't help but smirk when it seemed glaringly apparent the Vikes were in store for another loss. Revenge seemed to be oh so sweet. Almost as sweet as those unforgettable over the head catches via the man of last hour, The Freak himself. You were posed with your palm open and inviting as you prepared to high-five Deanna Favre as you saw Childress-Favre Co. self implode. You chalked it up as a loss record-wise, but a win for your soul... a soul that thrives on the potential superbowl for next season when the current season seems more toasted than a kabob.

Oh. So. Wrong.

Could it be? Yes. Your favorite team, the only team that can pull off the complementary colors of purple and yellow, managed to score enough points in the last four minutes of play to tie the game. Then proceeded to win in overtime? You checked your time-machine mileage. Nope, you didn't misstep back in to 2009. Deja vu was your next option. Arizona, the immigrant fighters that they are, were hardly the liberal victim San Francisco 49ers of last years last-minute victory by the Vikes. This was reality, an unfamiliar reality of the 2010 season. Jared Allen even remembered it was ok to hit the quarterback. Bliss.

The Vikings pulled some strings, cashed in a few favors and managed to steal a win right out from under the Cardinals' beaks. When it had seemed the Vikings were going to take a page out of Moss' book, and quit, the Vikes prevailed! Even Brett managed to throw for a career-high 446 yards (maybe he has been laying off the ladies?). Percy Harvin, found a way to catch 9 passes for 126 yards without Randy Moss opening up underneath routes. Against all odds. Even Shiancoe, who has requested at least 5 alternative name pronunciations, caught a TD pass. Hell froze over on Sunday, and true to Minnesotan form, we liked it.

Perhaps the only downfall of the day was the salvation of our opposition. The Lord Voldemort to our Harry Potter, the Hitler to our Jew, the hurricane to our New Orleans will be around for at least another week. This guy is basically responsible for the development of Al-Qaeda, the catastrophic oil spill in the gulf (which he blamed effectively on BP), and the alarming economic downturn (pawned off on the Fed). Not to mention, the dismissal of Randy Moss (blamed the catering crew). And he lives on. I leave it up to you to weigh the pros and cons.

Until next time, just keep walking that plank like the pirate you are.

Percy Harvin Questionable for Cardinals

Post-Moss departure, I coined the expression "In Harvin We Trust". Harvin sprained his left ankle last weekend against the New England Patriots, missing practice on both Wednesday and Thursday. Seriously? How many times have the Vikings hit the 'SELF-DESTRUCT' button this year?

We know Brett Favre has tapped that more than once... oooohh... about that.

Back to Harvin, first it was migraines (of which I can empathize, when I get migraines, I'm a bear), and now its a sprained ankle. Basically, Brett Favre (who is listed as "probable" for Sunday, since when did "probable" mean "definite", as if they won't start Favre) is left with three healthy receivers for Sunday's game against the Arizona Cardinals-- Greg Camarillo, Greg Lewis, Bernard Berrian. So... "Bomb it to Berrian", "Camarillo Can Catch", "Go-Lucky Greg Lewis".... uh ya, this may just be awesome.

Back to the game preview:

Last year the Cardinals and the Vikings were both victorious winners of their respective divisions, the NFC West and NFC North. This year, the loser of Sunday's game can give playoffs a big fat kiss goodbye, because they won't have a shot in the dark. If Minnesota draws the short straw, you can bet Brad Childress will be looking over his shoulder as he is already in the hot-seat due to the Randy Moss deal.

Brett Favre, going in to Sunday is still juggling an ankle injury, his age, and infidelity. No change there, but he did play pretty well before he was injured against the Patriots. I'm pulling for this guy to rally in back-to-back games. Everyone loves the glory days.

For the Cardinals, starting quarterback Derek Anderson is back in the saddle, regaining the starting position he had lost to rookie Max Hall. Anderson has been inconsistent and inaccurate.

Basically we are matched well at quarterback.

Ten Reasons Randy Moss Fits with the Titans

I found it particularly strange that my last post was a serious post about Minnesota Sports, that seems rare in these times. Habits die hard...

Top Ten Reasons Randy Moss is a Better Fit in Tennessee


10. The Catering Menu-- The "Mom and Pop" cooking style clearly didn't suit someone of Moss' elegant taste. Luckily, Tennessee is famous for fried... pickles.


9. Energy-- If you aren't energetic about Randy Moss coming to town, he will surely get your adrenaline pumpin' with a good moon or, maybe he will step it up a notch, and show off that big jock strap off his. (Anyone with an ego that big has to be boasting something worthy below the belt)


8. Confidence-- The Titans have been lacking in self-confidence lately. Good thing Moss has enough to go around. Confidence just went up 3000% in Tennessee.



7. Team Name-- Titans, according to Greek Mythology, were giant gods of exceptional importance and reputation who ruled the Earth. Coincidentally, the definition of Randy Moss is not dissimilar. Weird.


6. Team Bonding-- Bo Scaife of the Titans stated, "I know everyone on our team is going to welcome him [Randy Moss] with open arms." Right... when was the last time you saw ANYONE give Randy Moss a hug.


5. Hmmm... something about having an afro. I'll get back to you.


4-3. uhhh.... I guess Moss isn't really that great of a fit for the Tennessee Titans seeing as I could only dish 8 reasons, 100% of which I made up. Shucks.


2.Press Conferences-- The Titans team, nor the coaching staff, are likely to be caught off-guard by a rogue press conference statement by Moss because no reporter cares enough about the Titans to cover them. Looks like all of Moss' self-interviewing skills are going to go to waste. Bumski.


1. Randy Moss is pissed-- A pissed Randy Moss tends to play better than the crazy, fast-talking, no-respect-for-authority, normal Moss. (You're to thank for that, Childress) He is out to prove a point, meaning any ball within his zip code will be caught by him. Until someone tries to offer him cornbread.


Despite all the jokes that find their way seamlessly in to my blog from the departure of Randy Moss, I still miss him and would welcome him back any day now. Who else can we count on to always only pay "straight cash homie"?

Vikings Divorce Randy Moss

What the heck went wrong?

The news that Randy Moss has been waived by Minnesota shocked fans (and critics) as it filtered through the airwaves. Even the most jaded cynics of Mr. Class-Act Randy Moss didn't foresee the Vikes/Moss relationship deteriorating and ending in just four weeks. Too soon. Too wrong.

What happened? Moss interviewed Moss. His post-game press conference in New England happened. Moss was Moss, he hemmed and hawed in his self-conducted interview, while taking time to graciously (never thought 'graciously' would be associated with such a big donkey? me either) thank his prior team, the New England Patriots for the pleasure it was to work with them and that he misses "the hell out of them". What... a sap. THIS IS THE NFL, suck it up you jock strap. Moss continued to vent his frustration of Childress (whoever ISN'T frustrated with Childress obviously lives in Cambodia where they don't know what football is) and eventually boiled over everything to the media... in his self-conducted interview (I just want to make sure everyone is aware that Randy Moss had to pay $25,000 for not answering questions by the media, he doesn't care, and that he will be conducting his own interviews. Classic Moss). Moss had a moment of frustration exposed in front of the media.

Then, we KILLED him.

Moss' interview has been dubbed a "meltdown", described as a "surreal" moment of Moss "ripping" his team to shreds. Basically, people think Moss is Cancer... the really bad kind that attacks babies. I took the liberty to hit the archives and research memorable, classic, and very entertaining Randy Moss quotes by Randy Moss or related to:

"Ain't nothing but 10 grand. What's 10 grand to me?" Well, Randy apparently 10 "Gs" weren't enough because you weren't interviewing yourself back then. 25 was all it took... dawg.

"Let's go now, this is our time. We are going to have fun now. There's no telling what you are going to see." Shocker, this was before he 'mooned' Green Bay Packers fans at Lambeau. I like it a lot.

"The tough part of it is, Randy will never be a model citizen. But until this, he's been so good so far this year. It was a very immature thing to do. And he's got to understand that everybody is watching him. But it wasn't a career-ender." Ok, ok this wasn't a direct Randy Moss quote, but it was some random's quote post-'mooning' incident. It wasn't a career ender.... Never a model citizen... PEOPLE! THIS IS RANDY MOSS WE ARE TALKING ABOUT! No offense to California, but Moss has admitted to smoking marijuana, Moss conducts his own interviews, he is one of the best receivers in the game... basically Randy Moss is one bad ass motha, we knew what we were getting.

Personally, I don't care if Moss smokes, swears, almost hits people with his car, or enjoys the field of news broadcasting... he is one of the best damn receivers in the NFL and he was OURS! Brett Favre cheated on his wife for Christ's sake, we still love him. On behalf of... myself... I personally apologize to you, Randy... Randall, for disrespecting you in such a way that made you, probably, punch an infant. I also extend an invitation to come back... I'll even let you do something outrageous. (Come on, it is pretty funny)

Sure Moss is a donkey, but we knew that when we signed him. Besides, whoever doesn't think it is a bit funny wouldn't laugh at anything normal humans laugh at. I get that Moss has a huge ego, but I think Childress is just jealous because he can't sport those luscious black dreads like Moss can. Get some hair Childress... then get a new job. Until then, In Percy We Trust.

Please understand that I really don't know when/why the above quotes were stated and that I just adapted them to fit certain situations in an attempt to appease my readers. Thanks.

Vikings Loss To Packers

I am loathing the Vikings' loss to the Packers on Sunday. It is now Thursday and I am still having trouble sleeping at night. Not a joke. The loss was a hard one to take because there were SO many lost opportunities (or robbed). We had the chance to win, and then the officiating crew got a raise.

The Vikings performed well in a brutal environment on Sunday. AP obliterated Green Bay's defense taking on 131 yards and a TD off of 28 carries. Percy Harvin displayed his versatility through 5 receptions (***should be 6) for 65 yards (***could have been more) for 1 TD (***TWO). Bitter.

Wide Receiver, Randy Moss, whom I shall refer to as "The Freak" in the remainder of this awesome blog post out of respect for his faux moon against the Packers the last time he was at Lambeau in Purple, found the end zone. Personally, I think we need to utilize The Freak's abilities even more, especially those assets that are classified as 'fan antagonism". I hate Packer Fans. YOU ARE WEARING CHEESE ON YOUR HEAD! Which, frankly, relates you closer to a rodent than it does a human. And makes you stink like parmesan. Gross.

Never the less, all of the aforementioned jibber-jabber added up to a resounding loss for the Vikes. Yay, Purple Pride. The loss to the Packers will sting for a while, especially since we aren't used to losing to that obnoxious Pack (yes that is a jab at you Packer fans who have lost to OUR Brett Favre the last, and only, 2 times we have played you!). I'm sure we will rehash the game over and over in our heads, crunch numbers to see if we can budget an officiating crew in to our payroll, and replay Aaron Rodgers raising both arms and holding up 2 pointer fingers for victory in true Brett-Favre-Fashion (who do you think you are???) endlessly, but we must move on. We must man-up... or something... and face New England a team that is playing very, very well right now.

In other news, another loss by the Minnesota Vikings, coupled with the fracturing of Brett Favre's ankle prompted an earthquake in Indonesia resulting in a tsunami-volcano eruption, one-two punch within 24 hours of each other. This, people, is known as the Butterfly Effect. Butterfly Effect can be defined as the following: If Brett Favre fractures his ankle in Minnesota, an earthquake, tsunami, and volcano triple threat will be unleashed on Indonesia, halfway across the globe. We need to get our sh** together FAST! Our bad.

*** This information is based on the yearly salary of Sunday's officiating crew according to the 2010 "How to screw the Vikings survey" plus any compensatory arrangements made through the Green Bay Packers; most likely all payments will be relative to the amount of 'screwing' the crew does to the Vikings. All figures have been rounded down and understated.